I felt mum guilt pretty much the minute I found out I was pregnant with Logan, we all wonder what kind of life we can provide our children but throwing my chronic condition into the mix made things ten times worse. After 2 and half years of being able to do very little, simultaneously I knew I deserved to have a life just as much as anyone else and beat myself up for knowing I probably wouldn’t be able to give my child the life they deserved.
After that my first major pang of guilt was when I decided to switch Logan to formula after 4 failed weeks at breast feeding. It was horrible, I suddenly felt like the worse mum in the world for not providing my child with the best option necessary. I spent weeks beating myself up about it until I realised that all this worrying meant I was concentrating even less on Logan’s needs. My poor health made my new mummy role difficult enough without choosing to add sleepless nights, a constant 2-hour cycle of attempting to pump, breastfeeding and trying to escape exhaustion left me an absolute mess. I suddenly realised it was actually better for my mental health and Logan’s general health if I just let go and things got much easier.
Recently I’ve has a lot of mum guilt over (funny enough) food, Logan has been weening for nearly 2 months now and is doing great but most of meals are pre-made baby food jars and I can’t help but beat myself up a little bit. It feels like the easy option which I know it totally OK but mummy instincts say he should be having fresh, homemade food and not the pre-made. (god knows what’s actually in the jars) When Logan was tiny, way before I needed to think about weaning, I attended a baby group that discussed weaning and swore to myself he’s be having fresh, he could eat whatever we eat.
When weaning became a reality I turned to the jars for help, for the ease of meals, the speed and nutrition. They probably aren’t the best but from one spoonie mummy to every other mummy don’t beat yourself up for needing a bit of help with meals. I choose using jars and having more energy to spend do other things with my son over spending probably about hours preparing food for him he might not even like. When reality sets in and I realistically don’t get to sit down and eat my dinner until after everyone else, “giving them whatever you eat” isn’t always possible. Although I still beat myself up sometimes, I’ve resided with the idea that anything that makes my life easier, that allows me more energy to spend playing with and teaching my son is fine by me.