I realise this title seems completely backward. Until lately, I’ve spent nearly every day of my life since being diagnosed cursing my chronic condition. Cursing the pain my IIH (Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension) gave me. Wondering why me? and wishing it selfishly could have happened to someone else. Until recently…Recently I have become thankful for the many things chronic condition has given me. As I think about how my future is panning out I find myself being thankful for many things;
Thank you to my Chronic Condition
#1 Thank you to my chronic condition, for forcing me to slow down in life. I realise now how I was wishing away my time because I kept running into situations that I couldn’t deal with and instead of facing them head on and learning from them I dove into work and pretended I could skip by it.
#2 Thank you for making me appreciate the small things I was ignorant to in the past. Seeing the joy in having the energy to taking that shower without having to sit on the shower floor.
#3 Thank you for making more conscious of what goes into my body, for making my cut down on things that were causing me hard like smoking and drinking caffeine. Now more than ever I am thankful that these aren’t habits I will pass on to my future children.
#4 Thank you for snapping me out of society “norms”. Regardless of what society thinks, it’s my life and if I’m not happy doing it, I should not be doing it. Why should I live out my life, trying to help someone else reach their dreams?
#5 Thank you for allowing me the time to find myself, to be creative and let my true self, show on the both the inside and out. While bright blue hair is a pain in the ass to keep up with sometimes, It’s been so nice to let my true personality shine through.
#6 Thank you for allowing me to meet so many inspiration people, I am sure that they will go on to inspire me to do some incredible things in the future. I am looking forward to seeing how those relationships will grow in the future.
#7 Thank you for allowing the chance to look into new opportunities in my life. While sometimes I still feel like a lost lamb, I know now it’s OKAY to feel lost. I still have plenty of time to figure out where my life is going and shouldn’t feel pressured by anyone or anything to pick something early just because.
Finally…Thank you for making me who I am today. While sometimes you made me feel completely broken, to a point I never thought I would never repair again. You inflicted pain that I never thought I could make it through. You turned my thoughts against me, so I would believe I was weak and a waste of life. Many times to the point I feared being around people, in case they unintentionally (or intentionally) inflicted additional pain on me physically or mentally. To this day, you still deal me pain. But that pain now serves as a reminder of how much stronger I have become. Like every other challenge in my life, I defeated you and come out the other side stronger than every.